


Alone

by Viktoria_Owl



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Angst, Gen, Hurt Ahsoka Tano, Loneliness, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viktoria_Owl/pseuds/Viktoria_Owl
Summary: How long has it been since Ahsoka became a Padawan......And how much pain it has caused her.
Kudos: 12





	Alone

It hurts in my chest. I want to lie on the floor and scream from unbearable pain. I am alone in this world. I could not bear this feeling. How long has this been going on? A lot of. Too much. For two years now I have been under the training of Anakin Skywalker and for several months he has completely ignored me. Two months ago, I failed a mission by disobeying Anakin. He hit me on the cheek and went to the barracks without saying anything.

I bump my head against the cold metal, curled up in a ball. Loneliness. She became unbearable for me even when my parents left me. Not a word in my direction during all this time of suffering. Never again will I hear the kind word "Snips", never will he show me his kind friendly smile.

Friendly.

It pains me to remember those warm days when even in the war there was someone who could comfort at the most turning point. We walked side by side together, we were best friends. I sometimes saw him as an older brother that would protect his sister from danger. But now, everything is different. Anakin will not come, he will not console, he will not pat on the back, and will not say the warm words that I so need now. How many fights we went through, how many we laughed together, teased each other. Is it in vain?

Pain eats away at me from the inside, wanting to break, destroy. Anger, hatred, sorrow, grief, pain. These feelings were tearing me apart from the inside, literally destroying me.

I'm unnecessary.

Why try to do something if nobody cares about it? Even if I go somewhere on the roof and go to the edge in order to jump off, no one will blink an eye. Neither Obi-Wan, nor Plo, nobody. Even... even Anakin. He almost always sits in his room, shutting himself off from everyone, only occasionally going out into the dining room. I tried to go to his room and ask about training or about a joint vacation, but excuses like: I'm busy, Ahsoka; please don't bother me, I'm busy; later, Ahsoka... How long did I wait? Maybe a week, maybe a month, but it seems like an eternity has passed.

Every time someone walked near my door and suddenly stopped, I looked at her with hope and a kind of spark, waited, waited for someone who would help me. I have not communicated with anyone for several days, I needed someone! But nobody came. This hope faded more and more every day, until it was completely extinguished. Nobody wants to know about some kind of Tano, who is so eager for help, support, or at least ordinary communication!

Nobody cares deeply about you ...

Yes, I'm talking to myself. This has already become the norm for me because there is no one around. Only me, my ego, and a pillow that will hide all my tears, sorrows, and secrets. Someone will ask: "Can't you trust your friends?" Heh ... All these pseudo-friends won't even ask an old friend until they are informed that my corpse is rotting on the bed.

Corpse.

The thought of this word and the associations that pop up at the mention was intoxicating. If I end up here? Get out of this vicious world as soon as possible, where nothing keeps me. And maybe I'm lucky, somewhere out there, I will find my light, the ray of my best life, I can start everything from scratch, I can rewrite my life and get around these mistakes that I made in this life!

Your only mistake is your birth!

I cannot rewrite it. I will step on this rake anyway. They will hurt me anyway, the whole world is vicious and evil. There is no light anywhere, and even if there is, there is simply no passage there.

Well, that circle has closed. Pain breeds pain. Hopelessness. And nothing can be done with it.

Absolutely nothing.


End file.
